Thursday, December 13, 2007

2 hours and 5 minutes of my life . . .

. . . I'll never get back. What a waste. I can't help but think of all better ways I could have used that time.

I could have . . .

1. . . . worked on my second novel.
2. . . . put together another care package for the troops.
3. . . . run a chemical analysis of Spam.
4. . . . stared at that weird stain on the ceiling.
5. . . . watched the paint on my living room wall get old.
6. . . . reorganized my sock drawer.
7. . . . appealed the restraining order issued at Sandra Bullock's request. (I'm sure she didn't mean it.)
8. . . . shoved bamboo under my fingernails.
9. . . . nibbled on a Krispy Kreme donut for 2 hours 5 minutes.
10. . . . finally informed the world I've solved the Unified Field Theory which Einstein tried unsuccessfully for decades to find. My new theory model finally incorporates Einstein's theory of general relativity with quantum physics and quantum electrodynamics into one unified framework using nothing more than a matchstick, a bottle of Rogaine, and a video tape of a specific MacGuyver episode.

What did I do instead? I went see film: The Mist.

Easily one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Horrible script. Bad acting. Bad dialogue. The characters made some incredibly weird, unbelievable, odd, and stupid choices. The reason for the "mist" was never adequately explained. Terrible ending. I cannot overstate this enough.

Most of the movie consisted of the characters standing around engaging in some of the worst dialogue I've ever had the misfortune to sit through. I had to convince myself not to leave several times. "Wait till the ending." I told myself. It'll save it.

Well - - - It didn't.

Wanna watch a better, similar movie? Rent Dean Koontz's Phantoms. It ain't great, but it's a masterpiece compared to this garbage.

I want a refund.

1 comment:

Mark Harbeson said...

Note to self: do not watch The Mist. So I guess you didn't like it, then?