Wednesday, August 15, 2007

When I'm elected Emperor . . .

My first ten acts after I'm elected Emperor For Life will be . . .

1. Ban Soap Operas.

2. Award Morgan Freeman 71 Oscars and rename them the "Morgan's".

3. Decree that Keanu Reeves become Morgan Freeman's personal assistant until he learns how to at least recognize good acting when he sees it.

4. Further decree that Keanu Reeves never be permitted to co-star with or kiss Sandra Bullock ever again.

5. Revoke Madonna's citizenship, have her declared an enemy of the state, file a request with the British government to have her extradited, then deny the extradition out of spite.

6. Chocolate cake, Ice Cream, Oreo cookies. Need I say more?

7. Get an autographed picture of Salma Hayek. (deep breath and sigh)

8. Put Ronald Reagan and Billy Graham on Mount Rushmore.

9. Force Keanu Reeves to clean Mount Rushmore with a toothbrush.

10. Take a picture of Keanu Reeves cleaning the inside of George Washington's nose, put it on every billboard in the nation, and have his name legally changed to snot.

Disclaimer: These are just jokes. While it's true that Mr. Reeves can't act and he is either the luckiest man alive or has the greatest agent on earth--my disdain for Keanu is just for laughes and stems from my own childish jealousy.


VAIL said...

What is it with guys and Keanu Reeves. I have never met a guy who likes Keanu Reeves. I have never met a girl who didn't . . . . .

Dayle James Arceneaux said...

Thanks for stopping by Vail.

The answer is simple - Jealousy.

The fact is he can't act. at all. Not even close. And yet, he gets some of the best roles in movies. And, on top of that - he gets to kiss Sandra Bullock in a few of them. I actually like most of his movies. BUTTT, HE CAN'T ACT. Where is the justice in the world. Did he sell his soul?

On the positive side, these are just jokes. I've heard that he's actually a really nice guy. And, I wouldn't mind meeting him. But, I am jealous.


Janet Rubin said...

Vote for Dayle!

Dayle James Arceneaux said...

That's 1 vote, well 2 because I can vote for myself.

So, The revolution has begun.

p.s. I am willing to evaluate any bribes for my favor as future emperor. You can't really buy me off, but if we believe in the same thing, I can act all aloof until you pay me enough and then pretend that your payment made a difference. I mean, I gotta eat too.

Janet Rubin said...

Can you get my novel published? I can bake really good pies from scratch...

Dayle James Arceneaux said...


By the way, Act #11 will be that everyone must pronounce it pa kawn, not pee can.